Guide You Home
by Apples200
Summary: Loosely based on Coldplays "Fix you". A future J/A fic with flashbacks. I do not own Nashville or anything associated with it.
1. Chapter 1

**Kind of just thought of this story, let me know what you think. Thanks!**

…**.**

_Avery watched from the hall, he could only see the corner of the crib and her shadow, but he still knew what she was doing…. She was crumbling, and there was nothing he could do to help her, no matter how hard he tried….._

Juliette stared out the window that rested over the kitchen sink, her hands tapping furiously as the silver band on her finger collided with the metal draining board. Glenn watched on, almost afraid to say anything. Emily clutched at the iPad in her hand waiting for someone to say something, anything, anything at all.

All Juliette could focus on was him, both of them. The remaining few leaves slowly rolling from the trees as winter slowly crept into the day. She followed their every move, their every jump, run, fall and their laugh. Even through the glass she could hear the laughs, that was all she ever wanted to hear.

"So, we'd start in January?" She asked quietly as Glenn and Emily looked at each other.

"Uh yeah, late January, that's what Rayna wants." Glenn said, in a cautious tone.

"And for how long?" Juliette asked as she watched them move towards the pile of leaves bundled up in the corner, she knew exactly what they were going to do next, jump.

"Well if you factor in the breaks between dates and the gap between the legs-"

"Glenn!" she snapped as she hit the marble countertop.

"You should be done by August, maybe September."

Juliette pursed her lips and nodded.

"We spoke to Rayna about the longer breaks between dates, like you requested and she is on board, so is the promoter."

"_Juliette" Avery said softly as he approached the door of the room. Her head rose thus blocked the light from the lamp and like that, the shadow was gone. Even though it was dawn, she still had a lamp on and the curtains drawn. She wasn't wearing make-up and her hair hung loosely at the back from a messy bun. Her eyes puffy and tear-stained as she clutched at the pink baby blanket. His heart sunk._

"_Juliette, you need to sleep."_

_All she did was raise the blanket towards her nose and rub it against the tip of her nose- that was all she ever did._

"_If you won't sleep then at least sit down, please." His tone was calm and soft, not that it mattered really, she wasn't taking in anything he said. Avery rubbed the sleep from his eye as he ventured closer to her. Cautiously he placed his two hands on her back and guided her to the rocking chair that sat in the corner of the room. She had an empty look in her eyes as he guided her down onto the padded cushions. _

"_I have to leave for work in a while, but Emily will be here if you need anything." He dropped to his hunkers and stroked his thumb against the skin of her arm. He hoped for a response, anything at all to suggest the girl that made his heart race was still inside this empty, soulless ghost that sat in front of him. _

_All she did was blink._

Juliette smiled as the laughs grew louder outside the window, her skin tingled and her heart rose but somewhere, underneath all the happiness and joy sat guilt and loneliness. She looked back at Glenn and Emily.

"When would rehearsals start?"

"The band already has the set list and the tech guys had a come-together last week so all you need to do is a few run-through's after Christmas."

Juliette nodded, that seemed reasonable enough and although she didn't show it she appreciated all the work Glenn and Rayna had done to make this tour as easy as possible for her. That was all she wanted, for it to be easy.

"Rayna is callin' around on Wednesday anyway so we can run through the fine details then. Has she anyone in mind for the opening act?"

Glenn shook his head, slightly surprised that she seemed to be showing an interest in her work for the first time in years "Not that I know of, do you?"

"No, I just don't want some peppy teen sensation singing 30 minutes of auto tuned shit, I want a real musician, with real songs."

"I'll make sure Rayna is aware of that. Shouldn't be a problem finding a talented musician in Nashville."

Juliette turned back to face the window noticing they were gone from the garden. Her eyebrows arched and her body stiffened, she leaned over the sink to try get a better view of the landscape. She could feel it, the feeling she so often got of falling, free falling with no hope of stopping. Just then the porch door flew open and with that the feeling disappeared. A little boy, wearing jeans, a winter coat and red wellingtons bounded across the kitchen pulling the hat off his head along with the red mittens and threw them onto the kitchen floor.

"Look Mama…" he said as he held out a brown and amber leaf almost the size of his head "… look what we found."

Juliette dropped to her hunkers and smiled as she inspected the leaf, the little boy standing in front of her overjoyed with his discovery.

"I think that may be the biggest leaf in all of Tennessee, what do you think?" Her eyes sparkled as she traced her finger over the leaf.

The little boy nodded "Daddy said that too."

Juliette looked up at Avery in front of her, his cheeks still rosy red from the crisp air. She smiled sweetly at him and he reciprocated the smile as Glenn and Emily noticed the sudden change in Juliette's mood.

Juliette brushed the wavy brown curls away from the young boy's eyes as she felt the cold from outside against his skin. His big brown eyes stood out at her, so full of innocence and positivity. She brushed her fingers through his mess of hair as she felt the tears forming; she bit her bottom lip as her eyes watered. The young boy noticed the tears and reached his small fingers up and pressed them against her cheek.

"Don't be sad today Mama please."

Avery's heart broke as Emily hung her head but Juliette stayed strong, she sniffed, drying the tears up and cleared her throat. Suddenly she was upbeat as she whisked the boy into her arms and rested him on her hip.

"How could I be sad when I have the best little boy for a son." She pressed her nose against his as he laughed.

"_I managed to convince her to drink some tea, that's when she dozed off. About 30 minutes ago." Emily said as she gathered her things and put them in her bag._

"_That's good."_

"_The light bulb in the lamp blew, so I had Bo replace it."_

"_Did she say anything to you?" Avery asked hopefully._

_Emily shook her head "No, I tried Avery I really did but she just- she's not there." _

"_Maybe tomorrow."_

"_Yeah, maybe." Emily said but didn't really believe it. How could she? How could anyone one of them have any belief in anything anymore. "How are you doing Avery?"_

_He just shrugged his shoulders "I'm trying to be there for her, for the day the silence breaks and she's ready to talk. I'll be there for her…." He looked down at the band around his finger and gave the slightest flicker of a smile "… that's what it's all about right?"_

_Both of them knew he didn't answer the question asked but the truth was he didn't know how to answer because he didn't know how he felt._

"_Just hang in there okay."_

_Avery rested his head against the door frame, his eyes locked on Juliette, who even though was asleep in the same place he left her that morning, did not look one bit peaceful and that made his heart sting._

_After Emily left, Avery locked the front door and switched off the lights of the house and made his way into the room where Juliette slept. He flicked the switch on the lamp and suddenly the room lit up. The white crib laced with pink materials stood out in a room full of soft toys, pictures on the wall and a changing table stocked with diapers and a small stack of neatly folded blankets. Everything was still, like nothing had ever happened, like it was still awaiting its arrival. He rested his arms against the railings of the crib and took deep breaths, gripping at the crib for strength but it was no use, slowly and quietly the tears rolled down his face. He was careful not to make any noise as it was important that Juliette slept so quietly he stood there and sobbed._

Avery let out an exhausted yawn as he clambered up the stairs. Immediately his eyes fell on Juliette at the end of the hall, she was leaning against the door frame looking into a room. He approached her slowly and hooked his arm around her stomach. She didn't jump or jolt instead she rested the back of her head against his chest.

"Our son's best friend is a leaf he found in the garden." She said trying to hide her laughter as they stared down at the little boy sound asleep in bed with the leaf resting on his bedside locker.

Avery smiled as he tightened his grip around her "He's 3, next week it will probably be a rock… or a stick."

Juliette giggled as she looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek. Avery looked over at the lamp that shone down on the bed.

"She's always there Juliette, looking down on him. You know that right."

Juliette tightened up, needing to feel Avery closer to her more than ever. She took a deep breath and smiled "I know…." Rubbing her hand across his, she sighed "… I know."

…

**Hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

…

"We're going to live on a _bus_!"

"Uh huh, what d'ya think about that?"

"I think that is so cool. Can I bring all my toys?"

"Well not all of them, but most, yeah."

The little boy nodded his head "Okay Daddy."

Avery gave a smile of satisfaction as he noticed Juliette standing at the doorway "Hey…"

"Hi" she replied as she took as seat beside him on the bed "The GMA people will be here soon to set up. Probably just set up in the living room."

"Yeah sounds good. You need us to do anything?" Avery asked as Juliette shook her head.

Juliette looked down at her son who was sat amongst his array of new Christmas toys, so content with the plastic figurines. It made her heart feel full when he was happy, when he wasn't throwing a tantrum or sitting up at 3 in the morning refusing to sleep.

"Glenn has gone over the questions for the interview today and they want to talk about it…"

Avery's head rose, a worried look taking over his face "Only if you feel comfortable with it, no one can make you."

"No I think I want to talk about it, not in detail but I-" her throat tightened "I feel like I need to acknowledge it. Once this tour starts I'm going to spending a lot of time doing media, better start re acclimatising myself."

Avery rubbed her back to calm her, he knew Juliette long enough to know that once she had made up her mind about something that was it, and no one could tell her otherwise. Just as he was about to open his mouth the young boy jumped between the two of them and held the small figurine in front of Juliette's face.

"Look what I made."

Juliette shook the tears away as she gasped "Wow good job baby. Emily is in my bedroom and I'm sure she'd love to see it, why don't you go show her."

The boy nodded his head as his wavy curls shook "Okay." They watched him scurry out of the room and then heard him waddle down the hall. Juliette looked down at the pile of Lego in front of them, various constructions had been made, with such fine detail and attention. It amazed her that something they had made nearly 4 years ago was now walking and talking and making things. Sometimes she felt guilty for spending so much time stuck in her own past pain and grief to really dedicate herself to him.

"He's a smart kid." Avery said as he picked up a construction of lego, not quite sure what it was meant to be.

"Yeah he is…" she said in agreement resting her head on his shoulder "… there's a reason he's called Avery too, smart just like his daddy."

Avery smiled as he looked down at her, curling his finger under her chin and raising it til their lips met.

…..

"Picture's up in 2" a crew member shouted across the living room as the lights dimmed and a single light shone down on Juliette.

"What does that mean Daddy?"

"Means the interview is gonna start soon so we gotta be quiet so the lady can ask Mama the questions."

The young boy picked at the bowl of chips sat in the middle of his crossed legs as he sat on the countertop watching the commotion in the living room. Avery rested his upper body weight on the countertop also, his eyes fully fixed on Juliette who sat confidently in the armchair, Robin Roberts sitting across from her flicking through some final notes. Juliette caught a quick glimpse of the two boys watching on from the kitchen, she smiled at them before the red light on the camera flashed, the room fell silent and the cameras started rolling.

"Juliette first off I'd just like to thank you for agreeing to this interview, I know it's been a while and to have the honour of doing it in your beautiful home is even better."

"Well it was my pleasure, Highway 65 has always had a great relationship with GMA and with you so I was more than willing to do it."

"I also have to mention your beautiful house and its breath taking location. Once owned by Tammy Wynette, is that true?"

Juliette smiled and nodded her head "Yes it is I bought it years ago, always planned to build a great big house on it one day and 3 years ago my husband and I did just that."

"Speaking of your husband, he is heavily involved in your career isn't he?"

Juliette looked over at Avery and gave a sincere grin "He is, he was my lead guitarist for years, he wrote most of the songs with me on my new album and he also produced it."

"And he's going on tour with you?"

"He is, they both are." She said proudly as Robin smiled.

"I was just going to say, this album is dedicated to two Avery's. Your husband and your-"

"My son…" Juliette said finishing the interviewer's sentence for her "… his name is Avery too, but we call him AJ, helps eliminates the confusion."

"Is he happy about being on the road, watching his mom and dad on stage every night?"

"He's 3 years old, so everything is new and exciting. I'm sure he'll love it and it will definitely keep us on our toes!"

Robin gave a little laugh "I met him, just before we started this interview and he tells me he's going to be a singer just like you when he grows up, do you approve?"

Juliette laughed as she looked over once again at her two boys "If that's what makes him happy then I'll approve. As long as he is happy and healthy then I don't care what he does."

"Will he be allowed in the business as early as you?"

"Definitely not…." Juliette said in an assuring tone.

"Now this album, it's your first in over 4 years, what can your fans expect from the album and from your upcoming tour?"

Juliette took a deep breath and exhaled slowly "Well, this album… it's different from the others. Every song is taken from a personal experience or from a family experience and I feel like I poured 4 years of heart and soul into it. And from the tour, people can expect a mix of the old and the new maybe more of the new."

"For so long you were the hot topic in the industry, you kept up with the latest trends and your music was always in tune with your fans, do you think those fans will follow your career now that you are that little bit older, more mature and your music too?"

Juliette paused and thought "I'm not going to apologise for advancing my music, I was never going to be singing about 'boys and buses' my whole career, it was relevant at the time and what's relevant now, is my husband and being a mom and every day struggles."

"Any noteworthy duets?"

"Rayna Jaymes may make an appearance or two somewhere in there…" she said teasingly as Glenn gave her a thumbs up from behind the camera.

"Now Juliette, your noticeable absence from the music scene came 4 years ago, when a tragedy struck your family…"

Juliette looked over at Avery, he could tell from her eyes she didn't want her son to hear this so he had Emily usher him upstairs. He contemplated walking right in front of the camera and holding her hand through it but he knew this was something she had to do by herself.

"Yes, almost 4 years ago my husband and I… we-" she inhaled " we lost our baby girl."

The atmosphere in the room turned serious as Avery moved away from the kitchen to stand beside Glenn where he was in Juliette's line of vision.

"I was 7 months pregnant when she went into distress and was delivered early…" her voice cracked "… she spent exactly 6 hours in the NICU before passing."

Avery looked at Glenn, wanting nothing more than to hold her hand, to save her from the pain burning inside of her. Everyone in the room stood on tenterhooks.

"I can't imagine what those 6 hours were like for you and your husband…."

"They were heartbreaking, seeing her there, not being able to do anything to….to save her."

Glenn complemented Robin Roberts on how she dealt with the extremely tender and sensitive subject.

"And how did you personally deal with her passing?"

Juliette pulled the tears back as she reminisced on her self-destruction following her death "I was not in a good place. I completely removed myself from, from everything including my music and became distant and I just didn't care. I was slowly killing myself."

"Did you blame yourself?"

"Of course. For a long time I thought it was my fault that she came early, that she didn't survive. Could I have done things differently? Should I not have done certain things? It definitely ate away at me…. Still does."

Avery hung his head as he recalled the traumatic events of the past, trying his best to keep the tears at bay. Robin could tell the singer did not want to dwell too much on her heartbreak so decided to take a turn in the interview.

"So you must have been shocked to find out you were pregnant again, because the doctors said it was unlikely it would ever happen again didn't they?."

" I had every type of emotion going on and I'm not proud to say but most of them were negative, I was in denial about the whole thing and really set me back in terms of moving on from the death." She looked at Avery and smiled "…. But then one day I just woke up and was no long bitter or angry and suddenly I refused to believe it would happen for us until he was out and in our arms. He was our miracle."

"When you were at your lowest, who or what saved you or did you just wake up one day and say I can't go on like this?"

"It wasn't an overnight thing, Avery did it, he saved me." She looked her husband right in the eye as if they were the only two people in the room. "He was there for me, despite going through pain of his own, he was there without fail. Whether it was walking the streets of Nashville at 5am or sitting in absolute silence for days on end, he was there. He helped me see past the pain and the heartbreak and the agony."

"What's in Juliette Barnes' future? Both professionally and personally?"

Juliette paused as she looked past the camera where Avery, AJ, Glenn and Emily stood. They were her family and as long as she had them then she was okay.

"Professionally, I'll take whatever comes. I hope this album and tour is a Launchpad for years of success and personally, I just want to value every moment that comes our way and be grateful for what we have."

"Juliette, it's been a pleasure, thank you so much for sitting down with me and best of luck on the tour."

"Thank you." She said softly as the camera cut, the lights came on and the commotion to pack up began.

…..

Avery let out a long sigh as his head hit the pillow, every bone and muscle in his body instantly relaxed as he reached out to find Juliette only to have his hand land on a mop of brown hair. He looked down and sighed as Juliette looked over at him, half asleep and not letting her grip of her son go.

"What's he doing here?" he whispered.

"I just didn't want to be away from him tonight."

Avery nodded his head "You were amazing today Juliette. I'm proud of you."

"I'm glad I did it." She rubbed AJ's stomach as she watched his breathing pattern. Avery reached over and placed his hand on hers.

"Does it ease your nerves about the tour any bit?"

"A little."

There was a long pause as they both watched their son sleep.

"I only helped you Juliette, what saved you was your strength and your courage."

Juliette smiled as she ran her index finger over his wedding band "Like I said, there's a reason our son is named Avery."

…..


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think, thanks!**

…

Juliette watched as his tiny fingers plucked at the strings, his eyes widening every time a sound emerged from the tall guitar that sat proudly on the stand. He had been on his hunkers for at least 15 minutes and it looked as if he could go on forever as long as the sound continued. She smiled every time he smiled, still in awe of every little thing he did.

"Won't be long til he's playing that thing for real."

Juliette swung around to see Rayna standing there with two cups of coffee in her hands. She rose from the fold up chair and smiled as Rayna's high heels made echoes through the arena. The two women met in the middle and exchanged a hug. Juliette smiled up at her as Rayna looked down with sympathetic eyes.

"Been a long time since you were in a room this big, huh?" Rayna said as they both looked around the arena. Juliette took deep breaths as she examined the thousands of empty seats that would soon be filled with people, people who had waited a very long time.

"Seems like just yesterday…" Juliette said quietly as they took a seat at the edge of the stage with a panoramic view of the arena.

"Young Avery, come over here and give your godmother a hug." Rayna said in a demanding yet playful tone.

The boy stopped what he was doing and immediately ran over to Rayna, throwing his arms around her neck and falling into her lap. His laugh was infectious as his body shook every time Rayna tickled him.

"Are you excited to hear your Mama sing tonight?"

The little boy nodded his head as he looked over at Juliette "I love when Mama sings… and when Daddy plays guitar."

Rayna nodded in agreement as she stroked his mop of hair "I love it too… hey why don't you go play some more on the guitar while I talk to your mom and then…" she lowered her mouth towards his ear and whispered "….we'll get some ice-cream."

The young boy's eyes sprung from his head as Juliette rolled her eyes; she watched him sprint across the stage and couldn't help but smile.

"You spoil him."

"I know but I can't help it. He is looking more and more like Avery every day."

"Tell me about it." Juliette looked back at her son as Rayna couldn't help but notice how distant she seemed.

"You shouldn't be scared about tonight Juliette, everything will be fine."

"I'm just so afraid that when I'm up there on stage, everything will come rushing back and I'll just-" tears formed in her eyes as Rayna grabbed her hand.

"Babe no one can force you to do this okay, if you feel like it's too soon then you do not have to go on. You know that right."

Juliette shook her head "It's been 4 years Rayna, I've been running from this for 4 years. It's just… I have days where it's all I can think about and then I have days when I'm content. I'm just not sure how I'll feel tonight."

"That's what grief is Hun, you can't explain it or plan it. It just comes and goes on its own free will. You just gotta tough it out."

"I'm used to doing that…." she said to herself quietly as she watched the stage crew put the finishing touches on the set. That free falling feeling suddenly overcoming her.

"_And Rayna won't be mad?"_

"_Why would she be mad?"_

"_Well we just…. We just got married and we didn't tell anyone. I'd of thought she'd have liked to have been there or at least know about it."_

_Juliette tingled as he uttered the word. Married. She was married, to the man who made her heart race. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close to her, she could get his sweet scent as she pressed her nose against his._

"_Rayna will be happy for us." She whispered as she gripped at the back of his neck and kissed him "… besides, she's too focused on this charity benefit concert thing tonight to care."_

"_About that…" Avery said as Juliette left his grip and took a seat in front of the mirror "…. Are you sure you should be performing tonight? The doctor said-"_

"_The doctor said take it easy. Which I am, it's one song Avery, and I'm going to be sitting down…."Avery looked uneasy as she jolted around the dressing room, Juliette watched him in the mirror and although she enjoyed watching him worry over her, he had no reason to worry this time "…. And you'll be on stage with me, so you have nothing to worry about, okay?"_

_Avery hung his head "I just…" he hunkered down beside her and placed his hand on her swollen stomach "…. I'm just looking out for my girl." He looked up at Juliette and smiled "… both of them."_

"Where's the boy?"

Juliette lifted her head from the pillow "Rayna took him for ice-cream and then they were collecting Maddie and Daphne from the airport. She's gonna meet us after sound check."

"Life when your godmother is queen of country music."

"Tell me about it…" Juliette said in a mundane tone.

"Are you okay?" Avery asked as he lay down beside her.

Juliette curled into his body, gripping at his shirt "If I say yes will you believe me?"

"No."

A single tear rolled down her cheek "How are you so strong?"

Avery swallowed hard as he tightened his grip around her "Because I have a wife and a son who need me to be." He looked down at her and pressed his lips to her forehead, he could feel the tension coursing through her veins. "I know this tour is going to be long and at times unbearable but I'll be up there with you every night."

"And someone will be with AJ backstage, all the time right?"

"Yes, until he falls asleep. He'll be fine."

"I know, I just can't be on stage knowing he isn't 100% safe."

Avery turned on his side so that they were face to face; he placed his warm hand on her cheek and stroked it softly "He's here Juliette, and he's safe and he will be safe tonight."

"I used to get such a rush from performing. The clothes, the make-up… the electric screams when I'd step out on stage, and the after parties, they were always the best."

"You'll get that rush again, it's been a long time since you've performed but you will get that rush back."

Juliette said nothing, she prayed that Avery was right and she would get it back. So much had gone into this tour and so many people had worked to make sure she was comfortable and prepared for. And Rayna, it was safe to say Juliette had given her hell over the past 4 years but she had never wavered, she took Juliette's crap and was on the receiving end of some harsh out-bursts fuelled only by grief.

"_Okay so Rayna is going to call you out, you guys are going to do an acoustic version of 'This Love Ain't Big Enough' then have a sweet moment between the two of you, make the audience swoon then you leave from the left side, Okay?"_

_Juliette nodded at the producer as she had her final touch of make-up applied._

"_Also…." The stressed man said, swinging back to face her "… please make sure to mention the charity, unlike that ass Luke Wheeler."_

_Avery hung his head and sniggered as he continued to tune his guitar. The sweet melodies were soothing to Juliette who was suffering from a serious case of nerves and excitement. Then she felt it, it was like someone had taken her stomach and twisted it and kept squeezing it. She winced a bit and Avery cocked his head._

"_Are you okay?" He dropped the guitar and ran straight over to her._

_Juliette played it cool as she placed her hands on her stomach "I'm fine, just nerves."_

"_Maybe you shouldn't go on tonight, tell Rayna that-"_

"_No, I made a promise to Rayna." She took Avery's hand and looked him in the eye "I am fine, and our baby is fine…." She had that sparkle in her eye "… now stopping ruining my rush."_

_Avery could only sigh._

"_Miss Barnes, they're ready for you now-"_

"_Mrs Barnes." She said, correcting him._

"_Sorry, Mrs Barnes. They're ready for you, and you too Avery."_

_Juliette rose from the chair, with one hand on her stomach. Avery watched on nervously, but her façade remained the same. She stepped into him and smiled up at him._

"_You look hot with a guitar, Mr Barkley."_

_Avery let out a little laugh as he placed a kiss on her soft lips "You're going to be amazing tonight Juliette."_

_She smiled as she kissed him again "See ya out there, husband" She quipped as she walked out the dressing room door, taking one look back at Avery who couldn't help but smile._

"Mama look, look what Rayna got me." AJ held out the packet of folded bed linen in front of his mother's face as they both rested on the couch.

Juliette played dumb "What's that!"

"For my bed, on the bus. It's Spiderman… look." He pointed to the small picture on the corner of the plastic packaging.

"That is the coolest bed cover ever, I hope you said thank you to Rayna"

"I did."

Juliette nodded her head slowly "So… can I sleep with it too?"

"Yeah sure." He said innocently as he inspected the packet. Juliette smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Are we sleeping in the bus tonight?"

"Not tonight, tomorrow night. Are you gonna watch me and daddy on stage tonight?"

"Oh yeah." He said eagerly as Juliette picked him up and threw him on her lap, so close their faces almost touching. She loved his scent, it was unique and like nothing she had ever smelt before.

"Good…" she whispered "…. Cause your my no.1 fan so I need you there to tell me I'm doin' good."

"And..." he pointed his tiny finger right against her nose "I'm daddy's fan too."

"Well of course." Juliette uttered as she began to tickle him until he laughter was so loud it could be heard from down the hall.

….

The scene was mesmerising, thousands of people in their seats and more filtering in. It was a lot for such a small boy to take in. The strobe lighting bouncing from wall to wall, the array of different musical instruments all playing in harmony from the stage and the people, there were so many people, all there to see him mom. He watched Sadie entertain the crowd but still took no effect on him.

Rayna walked around the corner to see her godson standing by the side of the stage all alone. She came up behind him and hunkered down, wrapping her arms around him.

"Does your Mama know that you are standin' out here all by yourself?"

He shook his head.

"There are a lot of people here tonight so I need you to stay with someone you know okay."

"Okay…" he replied not really paying attention to her but rather on the stage.

"Are all those people there to see my Mama sing?"

"Yeah, pretty cool huh?"

"Yeah…."

Juliette and Avery watched from a few feet away as Rayna and AJ conversed, him regularly pointing out at something in the crowd. He rested his hand on the small of her back as he felt her body relax slightly.

"If you feel scared, or overwhelmed at any point tonight. Just remember I'm right there."

Juliette turned into him and smiled "Thank you, for getting me back here."

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, in respect of this very special night I arranged a very special surprise for you, its such an honour to have her here tonight…." Rayna spoke as Juliette prepared herself. She held her bump with the support of her left hand, the discomfort grew._

"_So please help me welcome… Juliette Barnes!" _

_The venue erupted, with cheers and applause. Juliette strutted on stage with a smile from ear to ear and that was when it happened. The last thing she remembered was seeing Avery throw his guitar to the ground and Rayna dropping to the ground beside her, the rest was a blur…._

"_24 year old female, 27 weeks pregnant, collapsed on stage, on conscious at site and bleeding began in the ambulance." The paramedic looked up at the doctor as they raced down the hallway "Foetal heartbeat was weak."_

"_Can someone please tell me what's wrong?" Avery pleaded as he tried his best to keep up with the parade of doctors and nurses swarming his wife. Glenn and Emily followed behind until they were stopped at a set of double doors._

_The doctor stopped and took a breath "It appears the baby is in distress and is therefore putting exponential pressure on Juliette's body. We're going to perform an emergency C-section to deliver the baby."_

_Avery's eyes widened "No you can't, it's too early. We still have another 2 months!" He looked around in distress "Please you can't."_

_The doctor sighed as he placed his hand on Avery's shoulder "I'm sorry son, it's the only chance we have at saving either of them." _

_They sat in silence, for 2 hours not a word was said, or a move made. Every time the double doors swung opened Avery's head was raised in hope but every time the doctor went the other way he deflated back into the chair. The only noise came from the nurses' station but for Avery, he was deaf to it all._

"_It's all over Twitter, Facebook… TMZ have a video of it. I'm not releasing a statement until tomorrow and I've told everyone to remain tight-lipped until we know more." Rayna whispered to Glenn as her eyes flicked to Avery's hand. She had to blink once or twice before seeing what it really was. She looked up at Glenn and then back to Avery._

"_When did they get married?"_

_Glenn glanced up where his eyes fell on Avery's pain, realising this incident had the potential to destroy a family "Saturday."_

_Rayna felt sick. Only 72 hours ago they were happy, with a baby on the way and the rest of their lives ahead of them and now, everything was uncertain._

"We won't get the first set of reviews until tomorrow morning but they are saying all the right things babe, they loved the balance between the old and new stuff, that duet with Avery- your next single. And our next 6 shows are completely sold out. Good job."

Juliette pressed the button to the left of the elevator door. She looked over at Rayna and smiled.

"But most of all, you did it. How does it feel?"

"Good. We need to work on the last 3 songs, the transition just didn't seem right. I said it to Avery afterwards but he always says it was great, regardless. "

"Which it was."

"But we still need to-"

"I know, I know. We will. Anything else?"

She sighed honestly "I just want to get upstairs and see my boys."

Rayna smiled as they stepped out of the elevator and strolled down the hall "He was so proud of you tonight Juliette. He could not take his eyes off you and when Emily went to take him back to the hotel he screamed so loud I thought he would be heard from the back row! Reminds me of when Maddie and Daphne were little. They used to think I was a superstar-"

"You are." Juliette interjected as Rayna rolled her eyes.

"My point is, they don't care how many tickets are sold or how high your album is in the charts. You are their hero and that boy, he has two superheroes so while it's great that you are back and you have your rush… remember its not everything."

"Thank you Rayna, for puttin' up with me. I know I've made your life a nightmare at times so thank you."

"It's my pleasure. Now my final piece of flawless wisdom for the night…" she said in a light hearted tone "… go to bed, we have a long day tomorrow."

Juliette smiled as she placed the key-card in the door and pushed it open. The suite was in darkness aside from the bright light of the laptop coming from the bedroom. Juliette sighed as she kicked her ugg boots off and threw her bag on the floor. She walked into the bedroom to see AJ sprawled across the double bed with the light of the laptop shining on him.

"Emily said the only thing that calmed him down was watching a DVD so she gave in." Avery said as he came up behind her.

Juliette reached up and kissed him lightly "You were brilliant tonight. It was great knowing you were there with me. I never got a chance to tell you afterwards, things were so crazy."

Avery pulled her into him "See that's one of the upsides of being the husband of the headline act… I always know where to find you at the end of the night."

Juliette laughed as she kissed him, that little grin he flashed made her skin shiver "I love you so much Avery. I know I've put you through the ringer the past few years but I love you, you know that right. I never, not once through it all questioned my love for you."

Avery smiled as he brushed the side of her face with his thumb "I know, I love you too Juliette."

They both looked down at AJ. His hair covering his face and his little legs kicked out above the blankets, sleeping peacefully. Juliette could help but think back, she did it often when he slept. He was so peaceful and content.

_Juliette raised herself up from the wheelchair despite the doctors' orders. It was the only way she could see into the incubator, even then the soft pink blanket wrapped around her tiny body made it difficult to see her. Her hands shook and the tears streamed down her face as Avery stood over her, he placed his hand on her shoulder but she just shook it off. The beeping of the machines was the only noise in the room as the doctor stood over the incubator with a chart in his grip, he took notes and examined the various tubes and wires travelling from the machines into the incubator._

"_Juliette you really should be in bed."_

"_I am not leavin' her side you will have to sedate before you get me back in that bed."_

_The doctor sighed but Avery paid no attention, he knew how stubborn she was._

"_How is she?" Avery queried almost too afraid to know the answer. _

_The doctor sighed "The efforts made to clear her airways were not successful, she had extensive internal bleeding which we managed to stop but there's no guarantee it won't start again…." He looked down at the young couple who admittedly looked a bit in over their heads"…I'm going to be honest with you both. It was a miracle she made it this far. There is extensive damage to her kidneys, her lungs are severely underdeveloped and her liver will need surgery."_

"_So do the surgery." Juliette said bluntly._

"_Right now, she wouldn't make it through the surgery. Her heart just isn't strong enough."_

"_So let's wait until her heart is strong enough." Avery suggested._

_The doctor winced "she needs the surgery now, but her heart isn't capable of sustaining that much stress and we can't wait because her liver is failing."_

"_So you're saying she has no hope of survival? You're just giving up?" she spat._

"_Juliette-" Avery tried to step in but she blanked him completely._

"_I'm saying the best thing for your daughter right now is to make her comfortable and spend these last few hours with her…."_

_Juliette fell into the wheelchair, tears streaming down her face as she shook "No, no, no…" she kept saying to herself as Avery dropped to his hunkers to be on her level. She gripped at his arm for some source of respite but it was no use. Agony had overcome her and it shot through her like a bolt of lightning._

"_Can we hold her?" Avery asked timidly as Juliette looked up at him._

"_Of course, I'll have one of the nurses come around to hand her over". Avery nodded as he wiped the tears away and the doctor made his way to the door. He looked down at Juliette, not sure what to say or do to help his young wife. _

_It took just 2 hours for her to slip away, the tubes were disconnected and the blankets were wrapped tightly as she was placed in Juliette's arms. She was so small and weighed so little that it felt like she was holding nothing but a few blankets. Her breathing was laboured and over time they became far and few. Soon enough the tiny wisps of air stopped completely and then there really was just silence….._

…_**..**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't forget to let me know what you think, thanks!**

….

The crowds soon began to gather outside the diner once word broke that Juliette Barnes was inside. It started out with 10 then 20 then 30 then soon enough the local police officers had no choice but to stand outside and try manage the crowd of onlookers and the flashes of cameras. The people inside the diner soon realised their valuable position and did not point or take photos or approach the table but rather ate their meal and left.

"That is a lot of people." AJ exclaimed as he peered out over the top of booth seat at the flashes of cameras mixed with the glare of the morning sun. Suddenly the flashes increased, once his face was visible.

"Hey AJ turn back around, eat your breakfast." Avery pleaded but it was no use. His request was ignored and soon enough he was standing up fully examining the crowd outside.

"AJ come on, your pancakes will get cold."

He got no reply.

"AJ."

The little boy couldn't understand how his parents didn't care that so many people were standing outside at 8:30am in the morning watching them eat their breakfast. He watched as the curiosity overcame passers-by who stopped, asked who was inside the diner and then tried best to get to the window to get a closer look.

"Avery Barkley you sit down right now and eat your breakfast or I will tie you to this booth." He knew that tone, he also knew when she used his full name she meant business. He turned around, with that little innocent face hoping it would save him but it was no use. She had that look on her face that meant business. Her eyes stern but narrow and her lips straight, her index finger pointing him straight in the face as he slid down into a sitting position and picked up his fork. Once he was positioned she smiled, a warm yet satisfying smile; that once again she was right and she was in charge.

"Can we go to the playground today?"

Juliette shook her head "You and daddy can but I have to work with Rayna all day."

His head dropped "But I wanna go with you…"

Juliette sighed as she looked over at Avery, she hated this, he was the only person she did not want to disappoint, he was too young to understand all of this- sometimes she questioned if she even understood it. She ran through her schedule in her mind trying to see if she could switch anything around because the idea of disappointing her son and seeing him sad was her least favourite thing in the world.

"I know I can't be there today but this evening after sound check how about we go to movies! Just you and me…" she reached over the table and grabbed his hands that were covered in sugar and chocolate sauce "… what d'ya say?"

His head cocked "And popcorn?"

"What is a movie without popcorn?"

"Uh Juliette." Glenn said cautiously as he switched his attention from his phone to the table of people.

"What?"

"You have that satellite radio interview right after sound check."

"Correction, I did have that interview, now I don't."

"But Juliette-"

"But nothing Glenn. Come on baby, let's get you cleaned up. Rayna won't want to see her favourite boy with chocolate all over his face now will she?"

Avery watched as they walked away from the table, suddenly the flashes of cameras intensified and echoes of her name could be heard. He looked over at Glenn and could only feel for him, he was fighting a losing battle and he knew it.

"_I need you to eat, please…" His appeal was met by silence as he pushed the bowl away. She sat there in front of him yet once again she really wasn't there. "…I know that you're hurting right now Juliette but I need you to eat. I need to see some signs of life."_

"_Juliette…" he placed his hand on her wrist "… please just- one spoonful and then I'll stop."_

_For a moment it looked as though she was going to do it, she dropped her eyes to the lukewarm bowl of soup and her fingers curled. Then she froze as he hung his head. Just then his phone beeped from across the table as it took him a minute to locate it._

"_Dammit…" he mumbled as looked at the screen of the phone "…they need me at the Bluebird, they need someone to set up for Deacon's show tonight."_

_Juliette could only blink as they sat there in sheer silence._

"_Do you maybe want to come with me, get out of the house?"_

_Her mind flashed back to the beeping and then the long eerie beep. She looked in Avery's direction, she could see him she just couldn't see any reason to address him. She rose slowly from the seat and walked down the hall, closing the bedroom door behind her. Avery didn't go after her because he had spent the last month doing that and all it resulted in was him sitting there watching her slip further and further away from him. He was running out of energy, each day became harder and harder to face and each day it felt as though she was giving up just a little bit more._

_He organised his things for the show and just as the clock struck 4:30pm he ventured down to the bedroom door. He took a long breath before pushing the door open only slightly to see her curled up on the bed, gripping at the pink blanket for support._

"_I have to go but Rayna is gonna come around in a bit, are you gonna be okay by yourself for a little while?"_

_For the first time in 4 weeks Juliette wanted to answer him, she wanted to give him a sign that there was life inside of her but she couldn't form the words, they were buried beneath pain and confusion. She squeezed her eyes shut as she heard him leave and soon she was alone, just her._

Bo scanned the playground and the surrounding area as AJ wriggled around in Avery's arms, bursting with excitement.

"We're good. Most people are at school or work. I'll let you know if any paps show up." Bo said confidently as he led Avery and AJ into the deserted playground.

"Can we play now daddy?"

"Sure, what do you wanna go on first?"

AJ thought for a moment, scoping the empty playground "Hmmm-"

"The swings for sure." A deep voice said from behind them. The two boys swung around as AJ twitched with excitement and wriggled out of his father's arms who did not protest.

"Uncle Deacon!" He squealed as he jumped into Deacon's arms who throw him up into the air. His laughter was his infectious as in that moment Avery was jealous of his son, he wanted to be that happy and carefree that he struggled for breath and that every little thing excited him.

"What are you doin' here in Kansas City?" Avery asked as he watched Deacon gently pushed the swing.

"I wanted to see my wife…" he pushed the swing with a bit more force as AJ shrieked "… and my favourite Avery."

Avery rolled his eyes and chuckled "You gettin' on stage tonight?"

"I might, what ya reckon AJ, can I sing on stage with your Mama tonight?"

"Yeah, sure." He said confidently as the two men laughed.

Deacon lifted AJ out of the swing once he had enough and soon he had darted off to another part of the playground as Bo followed closely behind. Avery dug his hands deep in his pockets as the early spring morning was starting to tingle his skin.

"So how's the tour going?" Deacon asked as he and Avery took a seat at a bench that was in view of Bo and AJ.

Avery sighed "Pretty good. Sold out the last 8 dates, another show added tomorrow night and sold out for the next 5 I think."

"That's a lot of dates."

"Yeah I know, and Glenn was saying that there is some country festival thing on in London next August and that they are interested in her headlining the entire thing."

"Overseas? Wow. Good for her, she deserves it."

"Yeah, she really does."

"And how she dealing with… all of it?"

"Like before, good days and bad. It helps havin' AJ. That boy saves her on her worst day by just smiling at her."

"Daddy, come on!" AJ screamed from across the playground. Avery smiled as he rose to his feet.

Deacon looked down at his feet and smiled, never in a million years did he ever imagine himself sitting in a playground with Avery Barkley watching his and Juliette Barnes' son play. It seemed like a million years ago that he thought Avery wasn't good enough for Scarlett and now he considered Avery Barkley to be one of the best fathers and greatest husband ever.

"_Sorry I'm late…."_

_Deacon looked up from his guitar to see what looked to be a ghost standing in front of him. His skin was pale, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot and his shirt raggedy. He took a long pause, not really sure what to say to him because honestly it looked as though he was about to cry._

"_I knew they needed someone for the board tonight but- son, I didn't mean for them to call you in."_

_Avery ran his hand over his face and exhaled, looking around the Bluebird to see they were the only two there "No, no it's okay. I'm happy to do it."_

"_Are you sure because I know there's a lot going on at home-"_

"_Deacon. We got a lot to do and not much time to do it in so let's just…"_

"_Yeah, okay. Sure."_

_They worked in silence for a good 40 minutes before Deacon built up the nerve to say anything._

"_Hoping to get a good crowd tonight."_

_But all Avery did was smile and nod._

_Avery followed the cable from guitar to the amp with his hand and then dropped to his knees, trying to get a better view of the problem. _

"_Try it again."_

_Deacon strummed the guitar but the buzzing sound continued._

"_Dammit." He fiddled with some cables as Deacon sighed, he could see the frustration growing on Avery's worn face and he knew from personal experience that he was minutes away from exploding._

"_Look, Avery. It doesn't matter if the amp won't work. I can just do an acoustic set, just me and my guitar. Give the band the night off."_

_Avery shook his head as his knuckles began to turn white "No, it's gonna work. I'm gonna fix it." He pulled at another cable and then another before a spark flashed in front of him, and then another and then one more. He jumped to his feet once the spark hit his flesh._

"_Fuck it!" he yelled as he kicked out at the amp, knocking it to its side. Deacon jumped from his seat, immediately placing his two hands on Avery's shoulders, they were trembling and his eyes watered up._

"_I can figure it out, I think there is a cable out back-"_

"_Son, you need to forget about the damn amp."_

"_But I just-" his voice panicked and scared. He pushed against Deacon but it wasn't enough or maybe he didn't want to push past, he wasn't really sure._

" _She's dying Deacon and I don't think I can save her." He admitted as he finally broke into tears. Deacon knew it was coming as he pulled Avery's head to his shoulder._

"_You just gotta tough it out, be brave."_

"_How? How? She won't eat, I don't even know if she sleeps most nights and she won't talk, it has been 4 weeks Deacon and she won't say a single word."_

_Deacon didn't know what to tell Avery, he had never lost a child before, he didn't understand the exponential amounts of pain they were both going through and he didn't have the answer Avery was looking for, the answer that would bring back the girl he loves, fish her out from her sea of agony and show her that everything will be alright._

_Avery stepped away from Deacons grip, he sniffled as he rested his hands on his hips "I talk to her every day, tell her I love her yet I don't think she hears me. She's just removed herself- from everything."_

"_You listen to me." Deacon said sternly as he calmed him down "I can't even begin to understand what you and Juliette are going through but I can tell you that you have got to stay with her, do not leave her side because the day will come when she will talk, when she will say she needs you, when she tells you she loves you."_

_Avery looked up at Deacon, all hope in his face was gone._

"_She was your baby girl too, don't be afraid to grieve."_

Rayna handed Juliette the folded newspaper with a smile on her face "Check that out."

Juliette placed her phone on the couch and took the paper from Rayna reading the front page right off the bat as the stage slowly came together in front of them.

"Juliette Barnes is back and possibly bigger than ever…" Rayna smiled as she continued to read "… her show last night, playing in front of a sold out crowd of 17,000 in St. Louis was a perfect mix between raw emotion on pure entertainment." She skimmed through the rest of the article and smiled "The people of Kansas City are hoping her and guitarist slash husband Avery Barkley bring the same electric energy when they perform their first of 2 nights in the Sprint Center."

She placed the paper down "Electric huh?" she asked as Rayna sat down beside her.

"They wanna double the second leg of your tour. 3 nights at each venue as well as hosting the CMT Awards in June! What d'ya think about that?"

"I think that is longer away from home."

Rayna sighed "I know, I know it is but Juliette, you have to think about your career right now this is huge."

Juliette looked over at Rayna, a small smile cracking underneath her red lips "It is isn't it?"

Rayna nodded her head slowly as the two women squealed with delight as everyone else watched on. Rayna reached into the brown bag by the side of the couch and pulled out the bottle of champagne.

"To celebrate." She said as she filled the two glasses "… To great music, a kick ass album and happy and healthy families."

"Amen to that." Juliette preached as the glasses clinked.

"Hey I heard about the craziness outside of the diner this morning. We can increase the security if you want."

Juliette shook her head as she placed her glass on the table and curled her legs up "No its okay. It's been a while since that's happened to me, but can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything."

"When Maddie and Daphne were younger and you were touring and surrounded by all this madness. How did you explain it to them? Because it seems like since this tour started I have had to sacrifice a lot of time with AJ and he's too young to understand things like people taking pictures of him eating breakfast."

"Things are different now, someone takes a picture of you and it is on the internet in a matter of seconds. With my girls, they never really had that. They stayed home with Teddy and saw me when they could."

"So you're saying that AJ shouldn't be on the road?"

"Again, my girls were home with Teddy but AJ, both his parents are on stage, I think he should be with you guys, obviously it won't be like that forever but for now, I think you made the right decision."

"You do?" Juliette asked with a hint of desperation.

Rayna nodded her head "I really do. The downside of being at the height of success is that people are going to want to see into your private life and that means getting a glimpse at your incredibly adorable son."

Juliette laughed "Thank you Rayna. As always."

_Rayna turned the key in the door and pushed it open to see the empty living room in front of her. She sighed to herself, hoping to see if there was any sign of life in the house at all but there wasn't. She strutted down the hall not caring if she caused a disturbance noticing the mess of the house. Clothes thrown everywhere along with empty Chinese cartons and bottles of beer spread across the countertop. _

"_Juliette." She called out as she knocked at the bedroom door, she waited for a moment before pushing the door open to see Juliette lying in the same position Avery had left her. _

"_Oh Hun…" she moved closer to the bed, pulling the blanket off her "…. Come on, it is 5:30 in the evening. Too early for bed. Up." She tugged at her arm but it was limp. She pulled the curtains so some sort of natural light shone in but Juliette never flinched._

"_Juliette come on, we have things to do." She placed her hand on Juliette's shoulder trying to encourage her to sit up._

"_Stop." a small voice said from the bed._

"_Well at least you're talking."_

"_I don't feel up to much today Rayna."_

_Rayna sat at the edge of the bed "I know you don't but I promised Avery I'd be with you while he's working and I really don't fancy sitting here talking to the wall so come on, get up."_

"_I don't need to be watched, I'm not a mental patient- you're mixing me up with your other blonde artist." _

_Rayna rolled her eyes "Ex artist and it's good to see you have not lost that sense of… humour."_

"_I just want to lie here for a bit."_

"_Please Juliette, just sit up, take a shower put some clean clothes on and I'll make us some dinner."_

_Juliette shut her eyes, as she felt the tears coming on "I don't think I can."_

_Rayna nodded her head "Okay, how about we take it one step at a time. Sit up, and we'll go from there."_

_There was silence as the situation failed to progress._

"_If you won't do it for me then do it for Avery."_

…_.._

_Almost immediately Rayna noticed the colour return to her face. She still looked tired and had dark circles under her eyes but for the first time in weeks there were signs of life inside of her. Juliette took a seat at the counter and almost instantly her eyes fell on the amber glow coming from the oven._

"_You know how to work that thing?" Juliette asked as Rayna handed her a glass of water._

"_Took me a while to figure it out… pasta bake okay?"_

"_I'm not really hungry."_

_Rayna pulled open the oven door as she shuck her head "Avery said you would say that, but you're not getting your way today." She pulled 2 plates from the cupboards as Juliette gave a look of shock. Rayna threw a serving of dinner onto the plate and placed it in front of Juliette who gagged at the sight of food. Rayna kept her eyes on Juliette's hands, hoping it would gravitate towards the fork, but it didn't._

"_I'm not asking you to eat the plate, just one bite. Please."_

"_Why, what is the point?"_

"_Juliette you need to eat, you're just going to make yourself sick and then you'll-"_

"_Die." Juliette retorted "I'll die."_

_Rayna's mouth hung open, the amount of pain and angst in the young woman's eyes made her stomach ache. She made her way to the other side of the counter and pushed the plate away from Juliette. She just sat there, limp… with no sign of reaction to what was going on around her._

"_Are you really going to do that to Avery? Have him lose both his girls?" Rayna said softly._

_In that moment Juliette snapped, she swung her left hand, knocking over the glass of water and rose from her seat._

"_Don't-" she could barely talk as her throat tightened and the tears bubbled up in front of her pupils "just don't." She trudged down the hall and into the nursery, with not even enough energy to slam the door. Rayna quickly followed after her even though she knew Juliette would not be pleased. She pushed the door open to see Juliette in the corner, with her back against the wall and her knees pulled to her chin. She was shaking and the little colour that was in her face a few minutes before had now disappeared and had returned to that pasty white colour. The room was in complete darkness despite the small sliver that came from the hallway. Rayna slouched down beside her and took her hand, on edge that Juliette would try bolt again._

"_I don't know what you're going through so I am not going to tell you what to feel but I will tell you that what you're doing now, lying in bed all day, not eating… it isn't healthy."_

_Juliette stared over at the empty crib._

"_Avery loves you, and he asked me to come over today because he is terrified to leave you alone for more than an hour because he's worried you're going to hurt yourself and that he is going to lose you." She squeezed Juliette's hand to freeze any reaction Juliette might have._

"_I keep trying to feel something." Juliette cried out quietly as her eyes scanned the room frantically "I try to feel something or say something but I just can't…."_

_Rayna looked over at her._

_Juliette left out a painful scoff "I can't even explain how I feel…" she looked over at Rayna "… I'm just numb and I don't know if I will ever not be numb". Rayna lifted her left hand and placed it on Juliette's far cheek, slowly lowering Juliette's head onto her shoulder. Her tears rolled down Rayna's jumper, her hands trembling. _

"_Right now the idea of getting dressed is hard but day by day it will get easier… and then there will be the days where it will feel like you're back at square one. That's where that amazing husband of yours comes into play."_

_Juliette looked up at her._

"_Don't shut him out Juliette. Go through this together…." Rayna paused as she took a deep breath "… she was his baby too, don't forget that."_

…_.._

_Avery opened the door slowly; the lights were on but no one visible. The first thing he noticed was the shattered glass on the counter and began to panic just as Rayna emerged from the nursery._

"_What, what happened?!" He asked as he stepped over the broken glass. Rayna closed the door behind her and scurried over to Avery's side._

_She spoke in hushed tone "Don't worry about this, I'll clean it up."_

"_Is she okay? Where is she?" He looked around the house for signs of Juliette._

_Rayna placed her hand on his arm "Avery, relax. Juliette is fine, she's in the nursery. She wants to see you."_

_Suddenly Avery's face dropped, he had hoped that Rayna would have gotten through to her or at least gotten her away from staring into the crib all day. Any hope he had of them moving on and learning to deal with this grief was slowly slipping away from him. He nodded nervously, gradually moving away from Rayna. She watched as he made is way down the hall, a small smile on her face before turning her attention to the mess in front of her._

"_Juliette…" Avery said cautiously as he pushed open the door. Instantly he saw the light was on, not the lamp, but the actual light. She stood over the crib, with her back to him. She was wearing different clothes than when he left her and her hair was looking shinier and was tied back. She turned around to face him, his eyes widened when he saw the brown box in her hand._

"_What are you doing?" He asked as he dropped his bag from his shoulders and paced to her side. He saw her fingers gripping the box. There was a moments silence as he looked at the box and then back up at her._

"_We can't live like this, I don't want to keep living like this..." She stated as she looked over at him. Avery instantly put his hand on hers, sharing the weight of the box. She remained strong, fighting the tears "… but I'm going to need you to help me. One step at a time."_

…_.._


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

…..

_Juliette sat up in the bed, cautious not to wake Avery who slept peacefully beside her. She looked over at the clock on the nightstand '4:26'. Knocking her head back against the headboard she sighed, feeling more awake than she had ever felt in her life. She lifted the blankets off her body and gently slid off the bed, slipping her dressing gown on along with her ugg boots and staggering out of the bedroom. She took one final look back at Avery who never flinched before closing the door, leaving him in complete darkness. Nashville was a peaceful place at half 4 in the morning with most still sleeping, the outskirts of the cities were quiet. Some still hung around from the clubs and bars and others were beginning their day as trucks rumbled down the road. She pulled the collar of the coat up around her neck and tugged at her grey beanie hat that covered her ears. It was going to be a nice day she thought to herself, cold but nice. With her hands dug deep in the pockets of her winter coat she continued to stroll at a leisurely pace, taking in deep breaths of crisp, cool air. It was the peaceful atmosphere that she loved the most. She stared up at the street light that stood strong and couldn't help but feel jealous of it. It stood tall and proud without fault night after night, providing light to the people who need it and not letting them down… she wanted to feel like that, she'd give anything to feel like that again._

"_You want one?" A voice said from behind her. She blinked for a moment, taking her stare from the black river water. She looked around to see a young man with a stack of newspapers in front of him._

"_Seen as you're up first you may as well have a chance at reading the news first." His tone was chipper and upbeat as she stared at him blankly for a moment._

"_Uh…." She shook her head "… sure, thanks."_

_The young boy smiled at her as she turned away from him, with the newspaper in her hand. She took a seat on a bench that was as cold as the air around her. After a while she looked down at the paper and froze at the heading in front of her 'Queen Without A King: Rayna Jaymes makes first public appearance since last minute split'. Her jaw dropped as she continued to read the front page article that was accompanied by a picture of Rayna leaving a coffee shop with her face covered. She skimmed the article, most of it filled with dates and figures and some speculation as to why it ended. It included the odd picture of her and Luke and then one of her and Deacon and at the bottom of the article had one of her and Juliette with small bold print underneath it, Juliette brought the paper closer to her face and read the words quietly to herself 'Tough times: Rayna Jaymes pictured with Juliette Barnes, who recently lost her first child with husband Avery Barkley.' She bit her bottom lip as her eyes welled up with tears, breathing in and out a small tear rolled down her face. Just then the street light above her flickered, as did the rest, and shut off, but to her surprise she wasn't in darkness. The weak morning sun was slowly rising and dawn had officially arrived in Nashville. She rose from the bench, tucked the paper under her arm and slowly made her way home. _

"Play it again."

Avery strummed at the guitar as Juliette watched on intently, taking in his every movement. She pulled her feet up onto the couch as the bus motioned from side to side. Avery had to steady himself every time the bus halted or turned but continued to play the melody that had been stuck in Juliette's head for the past week. Juliette scribbled something down on her notepad as AJ looked up at her from the floor, he fiddled with the action figure in his hand as he gawked up at his parents both so engulfed in their music.

"I'm not sure about the bridge, I think it should go-" Suddenly her body flew forward onto Avery and AJ fell to his side. Everything that rested on table slid to the ground and the door to the bathroom flew open.

"What the hell was that?!" Juliette exclaimed as the bus halted. AJ jumped straight to his feet and into Avery's arms. Juliette made her way to the front of the bus where the driver scrambled down the steps and swung open the door.

"Uh Jim, wanna tell me why the hell we're stopped." She followed the stressed man out into the bitterly cold February evening. She looked around to see them stalled on the side of the deserted road. Avery stood on the last step with AJ in his arms as they watched on.

"I think it's the engine, we _have_ been drivin' for the past 10 hours." The driver stated as he continued to examine the damage.

"Can you fix it here?"

The driver shook his head "I'm afraid not, want me to call Glenn and get him to send someone to get you guys?"

"Where are we exactly?" Avery asked as he held on tightly to AJ who began to shiver.

"Bout 5 hours from Columbus."

Juliette's head cocked as she looked straight over at Avery who immediately shook his head. Their eyes conversed for a few seconds before AJ cocked his head "Ohio!" he screeched "Can we see Grandma and Grandpa?" He looked up at Avery with those big brown eyes, those eyes that were just impossible to say no to but Avery was going to try his best to say no to this request.

"It's late buddy, they might not even be home."

"It's not that late, I can still see the sun. Please Mama."

Juliette ran her fingers through her hair "AJ, go get your coat and put some shoes on while I talk to daddy."

"Okay." He scurried off down the bus as Avery jumped from the step and onto the dirt road. He took a quick glance at the driver who was hunkered down trying his best to fix the fault in the engine.

"Don't even say it."

"We're only 2 hours away from them."

"Juliette."

"Avery it's getting late and he really wants to see them."

"No." He said in a demanding tone.

"Well then we'll just sit on the side of this creepy dark road until a car arrives while you're parents remain completely unaware that their child and grandchild are in the same state as them!"

Juliette stared straight into his eyes, so unbelievably stubborn and headstrong. He scrunched up his lips to try and prove his point some more but he felt himself crumbling as he continued to glare at her. Her flawless features gleaming in the evening light, her arms folded- a sign that she was determined and her foot tapping on the dirt. Just then the tide turned and a small smile came across Juliette's face as Avery's head dropped.

"Jim, call Glenn and tell him we'll meet him in the hotel tomorrow… we're visiting the in-laws."

…..

AJ tried his best to keep his eyes open but the scenery whizzing past him through the window was making him sleepy. It was mainly dark apart from the occasional porch light or passing car and it was also silent, squished in the back of the car with his parents they sat in absolute silence except for the various phone calls Juliette made to Glenn. Avery kept his eyes on the road in front of him until suddenly he sat forward "It's the next left" he said to the driver who nodded his head. AJ sat up in his car seat to get the best view possible. The car rocked from side to side as slowly a bright light came visible up ahead. He suddenly didn't feel tired anymore.

The house looked big to a 3 year old. The front of the house was long with a porch that stretched across the face of the white house. The security light above the front window flicked on once the car pulled up and the lights of car revealed the neatly kept flower beds and the garden gnomes planted in between the shrubs. As the car came to a halt the porch door swung open and a woman emerged. Avery took a deep breath as he unbuckled AJ who was bursting with excitement. Juliette took some breaths herself as she stood out of the car and to the other side where she opened the door to set AJ free.

"Grandma!" he screamed as he ran across the gravelled yard and up the porch steps. The woman dropped to her hunkers and pulled her grandson in for a hug as Juliette watched on with a smile on her face. Avery slammed the trunk door shut with a suitcase in his hand.

"Well at least someone is happy to be here." He mumbled.

Juliette chose to ignore his little remark as she made her way up the stairs.

"Mama look what Grandma got me." AJ handed her a box of Lego as Juliette's eyes widened.

"Here 5 minutes and you're already getting presents!"

"Uh huh." He said too enthralled in his gift to really listen to his mother.

There was a moments silence as all the adults stood looking at AJ, who was completely unaware of the awkwardness around him. "Honey, your Grandpa is asleep inside… why don't you go wake him up."

AJ obeyed his grandmothers orders and wriggled free and ran into the kitchen. Avery looked over at Juliette and at his mother.

"Mom…"

"Avery, baby." She said as she pulled him in for a hug "It's so good to see you" she whispered into his ear as Juliette watched on. She couldn't help but notice the look of relief in the eyes of her mother in-law, like she was finally at some sort of ease, now that her son was home. She soon pulled away and her attention focused on Juliette.

"Juliette, it is so good to see you too." Taking her straight into her grip Juliette was slightly surprised, she wasn't sure what reception they would receive. Avery couldn't help but smile as his mother hugged his wife, but his mom wasn't the problem…

"I'm sorry we just landed on your doorstep." Juliette said as they entered the kitchen.

"Don't be silly, when Avery called to say what happened we were delighted… weren't we Carl?" She shouted into the sitting room as a tall, grey haired man emerged it AJ in his arms. Almost immediately Avery's head dropped so he didn't have to make eye contact. The man placed his grandson on the kitchen table as he stepped closer to his son, holding out his right hand "Of course we were… good to see you again son."

Avery shook his hand "You too dad."

"And Juliette…" he turned to face his father in-law, placing a kiss on her cheek "You look great. I'm sorry your bus had engine trouble."

"It's okay, got us here. Much better than the bus, huh AJ?"

AJ shook his head as he yawned.

"Oh you must be exhausted…." He grandmother stated "…. We're remodelling the guest room but I put fresh sheets on the bed in Avery's room and set up the trundle bed in there too."

"Daddy's room?!"

Avery looked over at his parents and then smiled back at Juliette "Okay AJ, time for bed. Say goodnight to your grandparents."

AJ sighed as he hoped off the table latching onto Juliette's hand as his grandmother led them up the stairs. Avery knew Juliette purposely asked his mom to show her the room instead of him just so he would be forced to speak to his father. Her plan was set in action but was failing as both men stood in silence.

"He's a good kid."

Avery watched his son climb the hallway stairs "Yeah he is."

Mr Barkley stared down at the suitcase at Avery's feet "That all you brought?"

Avery adjusted his body "Yeah, the rest of it is on the bus."

"That's right, you're living on a bus now…." He dug his hands deep in his pockets and scoffed "… 4 years of college, thousands of dollars in education, to do what? To live on a damn bus."

Avery curled his fingers in anger, he struggled to breath in as rage coursed through his veins trying his best to remember his son who was upstairs and who saw his grandfather as the man who gave him boxes of lego and pulled money from behind his ear. He did not see him as someone who shattered dreams and said things like 'you're wasting your life.'

"I'm not getting into this with you again. Just be lucky that I'm here at all." Avery said quietly as he turned his back on his father and towards the kitchen door. As he turned away Juliette came down the stairs and into the kitchen immediately picking up on the hostile atmosphere.

"Avery where are you going?" She called as she watched him push the porch door open with such force it snapped back against the timber doorframe.

"Why did you make us come here?!" He asked with a sting of venom in his voice as Juliette followed him out onto the porch.

"Because this is your home, you should want to come home!"

"This is not my home! That man is not my family! Why can't you understand that!?"

He shook his head in anger as he bounced down the porch steps, leaving his wife standing there with tears in her eyes, it had been so long since she had seen this side of Avery, she forgot that he was not always the perfect, reliable husband who was so patient and understanding.

_Juliette placed her dressing gown in the exact same place she found it and carefully climbed into bed. Avery shifted slightly as he felt the movement beside him. She froze for a moment before sliding down between the covers._

"_Are you okay?!" Avery asked as his head shot up, his eyes half closed and his hair a mess. He was clearly half asleep but the sudden movement beside him was enough to wake him._

"_I was just getting some water." Juliette whispered as she eased him back down onto the mattress._

"_Are you sure, you're sure you're okay?"_

_Juliette gave a small smile in his direction, she loved how caring he was and how he immediately worried for her and her wellbeing "Avery, when did Rayna and Luke break up?"_

_Avery rested his head back on the pillow as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he looked over at her with a slight look of confusion "About 5 weeks ago. Where did you hear-"_

"_But Rayna has been here loads of times and she said nothing."_

_Avery felt his eyes closing again, he lifted his arm and placed it on her side- feeling her body relax almost immediately "What time is it?"_

"_Almost 6."_

_He gave a slight groan as he stroked her arm up and down with pads of his fingers "You're okay?"_

_Juliette gave a painful smile as she rested her head on the pillow "You should go back to sleep, you have work in a few hours."_

_Something about her tone stood out to him and soon he was the one unable to sleep. He glanced over to see her facing the other way. He turned over and propped himself up on his side, with his hand resting wearily on his waste. He peered down to see her eyes wide open and fixed on the wall in front of her._

"_Juliette, please talk to me."_

_Juliette gripped at the bedcovers, that pain in her stomach worsening, Avery could feel the vulnerability seeping from her skin as he waited in anticipation of an answer but it never came. Instead Avery lay there, stroking the side of her body gently until the sun had risen and the day had begun._

"Do you need anything else? Towels or extra blankets?" Mrs Barkley asked from the door of her son's old room. Juliette looked over from the edge of the bed once she heard her voice.

"No we're fine, thank you."

Mrs Barkley nodded her head as she gravitated closer to her daughter-in-law who was sitting on the edge of the bed looking down at AJ who had fallen asleep the minute his head hit the pillow of the make-shift bed. She took as seat beside Juliette whose eyes were fixed on her son.

"He is the image of his daddy." She uttered proudly as Juliette smiled.

"You think so?"

"Oh yes, I see Avery's smile, he has his smile."

"Got his temper too." Juliette quipped as her mother-in-law smiled.

"He used to do this all the time when he was younger. Get in fights with his daddy and storm off, he'll be back…." She gazed down at her grandson "…. Avery didn't want to come here tonight did he?"

Juliette was slightly taken aback at her question. She readjusted her body in an attempt to delay giving his mother some fabricated reply to try spare her feelings. She knew Avery was against coming here and only agreed because AJ wanted to so badly.

"How awful is it that my son would rather sleep in a bus on the side of a road than in a house that was once his home." She bit her bottom lip to conceal her emotions but Juliette could see right through the façade and through some sort of instinct reached over for the woman's hand and cupped it in hers.

"It's not like that, I know it's complicated between Avery and his dad but it definitely was not like that. He is just so stubborn and headstrong that it comes across like he doesn't want to see you… or love you, because he does."

"I don't think they'll ever settle it."

"Well if it means AJ misses out on having a relationship with his grandparents then I will settle it for them." Juliette stated as Mrs Barkley chuckled, fully embracing Juliette's fierce personality.

AJ's sudden twitch made her drop her eye line "I saw that interview you did, where you talked about how Avery got you through that awful time and while I don't doubt his devotion to saving you, I think you need to credit yourself, you are an incredibly strong person Juliette and AJ should be proud to call you his Mama."

Little did the two women know, Avery had finally calmed down and returned to the house- bypassing the living room to avoid his father and straight up to find Juliette but was stopped in the hall once he heard the two women talking. He leaned against the doorframe, close enough to pick up on their conversation. His heart grew when he heard his mother speak about Juliette so highly but sank when he heard the pain and fear in her voice at the thought of him not wanting to visit her.

Juliette took a deep breath as she watched AJ sleep "Sometimes, I find myself so blissfully joyful and for a split second I am happy for how things played out…." She curled her fingers as she felt her throat tighten "… that if the things that happened never did happen then I wouldn't have AJ." Mrs Barkley was stunned at her honesty and at just how passionately she spoke.

"How awful am I that at times I am okay with losing my daughter."

"You are not awful for feeling that. You and Avery had her for a few hours, you've had AJ for almost 4 years, experiencing all these amazing things you experience with your children and you never had that with her. That is not awful, that is moving on with your life. Doesn't mean you don't love your baby girl any less or AJ any more."

"I've never told Avery that."

Mrs Barkley said nothing other than lifting her hand and gently wiping the tear from Juliette's face, there were no words needed as she saw all the girl wanted was to have someone be there for her, to hold her and support her.

"I don't think Avery realises how lucky he is to have a home like this and I think sometimes that is why I push him to have a relationship with you guys because I never had that."

"Well now you do, this is your home too Juliette, even if we only see you a couple of times a year, we are your family."

Avery's eyes were filled with tears as he hung on her every word and emotion, anting nothing more than to burst in and hold her, let her know that she could tell him anything but he didn't, he stood there and found himself engulfed in shock and heartache. As he rested his head against the wall he thought about AJ, and how he would move mountains for him and the horrible thought that one day he might not want to visit him and Juliette, that they wouldn't get to see their grandchildren- and Avery never wanted that…. so taking a deep breath Avery turned around and walked slowly down the stairs, in search of his father.

…

_Juliette knocked against the heavy wood door, her knuckles stung it was that cold out as her freezing cold breath hung in front of her. She waited for a moment to see if there was any movement and when nothing changed she knocked at the door again. There was silence and then noise from the other side of the door as she waited in anticipation._

"_Do you know what time it is?" Rayna asked in a peeved tone as she leaned against the door to see a perky Juliette standing in front of her._

"_4:26am last time I checked but seen as you took an eternity to answer your own door I'd say it's close to 4:30am."_

"_On the weekend."_

"_On the weekend." Juliette repeated as she pushed past Rayna and made a beeline for the kitchen._

_Rayna groaned as she sluggishly followed Juliette into the kitchen despite wanting nothing more than crawl back into bed. She staggered towards the coffee machine as Juliette watched on from her seat at the counter. Rayna pulled two mugs from the cupboard as she waited for the water to boil, her eyes slipping shut every few seconds. Juliette's eyes scanned the room, trying her best to pick up on any detail or evidence of her split with Luke. Rayna slid the mug of coffee towards her as Juliette looked at it, feeling uneasy. _

"_How come you never told me that you and Luke broke up?"_

"_In comparison to what you're going through…."_

"_Well you still should have told me."_

_Rayna sighed "I'm just trying to put it all behind me."_

_Juliette nodded her head slowly as Rayna studied her body language._

"_That's what you came to talk to me about? Luke?"_

_Juliette's façade began to crack as she bounced the palm of her hand over the warm mug of coffee "Some nights I have trouble sleeping."_

"_Only some nights?" Rayna asked with a hint of sarcasm._

"_Every night."_

_Rayna's face stiffened as she suddenly found herself wide awake realising that maybe this all-nighter may not be a one-time thing "Does Avery know?"_

_Juliette shook her head "I sleep for at most 2 hours and then I am just wide awake, walking the streets of Nashville, my mind spinning."_

"_How long has this been going on?"_

"_It's gotten worse in the last few weeks. I just- every time I close my eyes I see her…. And the beeping starts and it gets louder and louder and my chest tightens and I feel like I am going to explode. Then I open my eyes and look around and see that it isn't a bad dream, it's real."_

_Rayna couldn't even form words. She could only look at the young, vulnerable woman in front of her and try to comprehend just what she had just revealed to her. A part of Rayna was honoured that Juliette felt comfortable enough to come to her with a problem as big as this but another part was worried for her, like she was taking one step forward and two steps back. As she looked at her she thought about Maddie and Daphne, and how she would fight tooth and nail to get them through whatever trauma they were going through. She then thought about Juliette, she didn't have that person. She had Avery and Glenn and Emily but not a mother, not someone who could sit there and make you feel when you thought you could no longer feel._

"_What if he wakes up and you're not beside him?"_

"_It hasn't happened so far."_

"_Well when it does he is going to freak out."_

"_I don't want him to worry."_

_Rayna smiled "He worries about you every day."_

_Juliette hung her head "I'm sorry I woke you up."_

"_It's okay…" Rayna looked around her kitchen, she got the sense Juliette didn't want Avery to know about this particular speed bump "…How about we go somewhere other than my kitchen and talk, Avery doesn't have to know."_

…..

"Are you awake?" Avery whispered as he leaned over Juliette's body that was turned away from him.

She moved slightly but remained facing the window "Yeah."

"Sorry about earlier, I just snapped…"

Juliette sighed as she flipped over onto her back, as she looked up at Avery "Look Avery I get it, you have issues with your father and you are both extremely stubborn people but I just don't understand why you are so… so unappreciative of this home that you have."

Avery exhaled as he brushed a strand of hair from her face "I don't want you to think I do not appreciate my home or my family, but it's just so complicated with him."

Juliette shook her head as she propped herself up in the bed, conscious not to wake AJ in the process "No it is not. It's simple, he is your father and you are his son. Like you and your son." Avery couldn't help but let those words soak in as he looked down at AJ who slept peacefully.

"I invited them to the show tomorrow." He admitted, looking down at his wife.

"You did?"

"Yeah…" he felt more confident to wrap his arm around her stomach as the heat of her body felt soothing on his skin "But you were wrong before, this isn't my family, it's yours too."

A sweet smile crept across Juliette's face as she unstiffened in his grip, allowing herself to be held by him "Avery…"

"I knew you used to have trouble sleeping…" He blurted out as her eyes widened "… the first time I woke up and saw you weren't beside me I was so scared that something had happened or that you had something- I heard the door shut and I followed you down the street…." He stroked the side of her face with his thumb "… and then after the 4th night I discovered that you'd always be back by morning. I was worried about you but I also believed you would find your way back."

"You know about that?"

"Of course I know about that. I also know that in a perfect world we'd have both our children asleep on that floor…"

Juliette squeezed her eyes shut before looking down at AJ, her whole world wrapped up in one tiny body. She reached up and grabbed the pendant that hung around Avery's neck and lowered him down towards her mouth. Slowly she pressed her lips against his as he felt her tears against his cheeks. He held her, in a way that let her know he was always going to be there for her, no matter how angry or frustrated he was. He would always be there to get her through the tough times and the scary times and the times when it felt like she had given up completely.

…..


End file.
